Break Ups, Break Downs, and Breaking Ground

It's perfectly natural to want to hide your emotions and not talk about things.. most people do this sort of thing and then wonder why life may be so miserable, or not real, or just blah.

I on the other hand have no problem venting, sharing, coping, and dealing with tough times, as my closest friends have come to find out.

I wrote a note a couple weeks ago discussing how the true self is always with you. My family and friends have been here to remind me of where the real Bruno is, and I'm starting to get back on my feet because of them. 

It's ok to have a mental breakdown when things just seem overwhelming. It's healthy. It's human. It's not robotic.

I was once called a robot, because for the longest time I didn't process emotions. I let things get filed away in my cabinet that occupies my mind, without accepting things for what they are. I wasn't completely healthy mentally. I'm ok admitting that, because I have nothing to hide. Many people hide in fear, hide in self loathing, hide in something materialistic. I chose to live life because if there's anything I know, it's that I only know I have one chance at it. 

But now, thanks to experience [in life] I recognize the need to reach out to friends to lean on, to family to guide me and most of all do dig deep, deep, deeeeep, in my mind and get through things. 

I can tell you it's not easy, but who ever said life was? Letting go is a daunting task, but it can be done. 

Many people confuse hate as being the opposite of love. I'm here to remind you and inform you that indifference truely is. Hate is still very much a strong emotion that is felt towards someone who's done your wrong, left you, hurt you, or whatever the tough situation may be. Indifference would therefore be no emotion to them whatsoever. Is that where you want to be? Free of any emotion?

Perhaps I will never become completely indifferent to a person that I dated, or fell in love with. I'm not heartless after all, and I care [will always care] about my exes to some degree. But if indifference is where I need to be, then so be it. I'm just not there yet. And that's ok. 

I'm breaking ground on my next endeavor. I'm very happy and excited about it. Sometimes you make plans with life, they fail. Sometimes you make other plans, and they succeed. But you should never stop planning on a better life. Sometimes we just gotta reboot, regroup, and refocus on the self.

What's the rush anyway? 

- To a love lost, but myself gained.

Bruno

It's Been a While

Life throws some interesting curve balls.

A good friend of mine passed away several weeks ago.  I had known him for several years. 

Not too long after a personal relationship took a different course and undoubtably the course resulted in a separation that resulted in my departure from all I've known for the last two years. 

And most recently Uela (nickname for my granma) passed away. Oh how her passing has reminded me of what a big family I belong to!

I sit here and wonder about life. I allow my mind to wander in and out of unknowns and trynot to ask, "why." There is no why in my world. There are just events. How I interpret these events are for me to ultimately decide and for me to ponder. What I learn from these events is for me to experience on my own and no one else. We each grow at different levels, and at different times.

What I do know is this:  I have an amazing support group. A surprisingly stable, steady, strong support group that is/was/will be there for me (and I for them) when I need it most. Whether they be friends, family, or coworkers, these people are my lifeline.

That being said, I realize that it is I who can control the most important relationship in my life.. and that is the relationship that I have with myself.

Who am I really?

What do I want in life?

Where am I going?

I can honestly answer these questions without any doubt in my responses. I do know who I am. I do know what I want.  I do know where I am going. Do you, my parents, my future anything, or anyone for that matter need to know? Not at all. 

But the surprising thing is, that anyone who knows me can surely answer these questions about me and know the answer (whatever they think of for me) to be true. For once you discover who you are, what you want in life, and where you are going nothing, else really matters. This self awareness and confidence permeates all those around you and in your life. That is how the unvoiced answers become known. 

Daggers will be shot in your direction.

You will fall from the clouds.

You will sometimes feel as though you are reaching for someone who isn't there.

It will happen to you. To me. To anyone living.

But if you have answered these simple questions, honestly, and truthfully to yourself, then you have a set foundation for yourself and will recover from any difficult situation in time. Hopefully you will have a strong support group as I do, to remind you of these already answered questions about yourself. And if not, if you feel as though the people you surround yourself aren't true to you, then perhaps it's time you disover who you are, and then find or discover the support group that will reflect the truth of your being. 

Surely it's not always easy, but that's why you have friends and family (of which you've selected or birth given) to dress the wounds of the being, help pick you up when you've fallen, and to be there when you need a hug. 

To life

Ralfy Bruno