It's perfectly natural to want to hide your emotions and not talk about things.. most people do this sort of thing and then wonder why life may be so miserable, or not real, or just blah.
I on the other hand have no problem venting, sharing, coping, and dealing with tough times, as my closest friends have come to find out.
I wrote a note a couple weeks ago discussing how the true self is always with you. My family and friends have been here to remind me of where the real Bruno is, and I'm starting to get back on my feet because of them.
It's ok to have a mental breakdown when things just seem overwhelming. It's healthy. It's human. It's not robotic.
I was once called a robot, because for the longest time I didn't process emotions. I let things get filed away in my cabinet that occupies my mind, without accepting things for what they are. I wasn't completely healthy mentally. I'm ok admitting that, because I have nothing to hide. Many people hide in fear, hide in self loathing, hide in something materialistic. I chose to live life because if there's anything I know, it's that I only know I have one chance at it.
But now, thanks to experience [in life] I recognize the need to reach out to friends to lean on, to family to guide me and most of all do dig deep, deep, deeeeep, in my mind and get through things.
I can tell you it's not easy, but who ever said life was? Letting go is a daunting task, but it can be done.
Many people confuse hate as being the opposite of love. I'm here to remind you and inform you that indifference truely is. Hate is still very much a strong emotion that is felt towards someone who's done your wrong, left you, hurt you, or whatever the tough situation may be. Indifference would therefore be no emotion to them whatsoever. Is that where you want to be? Free of any emotion?
Perhaps I will never become completely indifferent to a person that I dated, or fell in love with. I'm not heartless after all, and I care [will always care] about my exes to some degree. But if indifference is where I need to be, then so be it. I'm just not there yet. And that's ok.
I'm breaking ground on my next endeavor. I'm very happy and excited about it. Sometimes you make plans with life, they fail. Sometimes you make other plans, and they succeed. But you should never stop planning on a better life. Sometimes we just gotta reboot, regroup, and refocus on the self.
What's the rush anyway?
- To a love lost, but myself gained.
Bruno
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